WE give YOU money

we have left everything we have including the mattress and netto gnomes in a black sack in augusta road but please just take him away we cannot bear to hear another story about how he got drunk with this elton fellow and was tinkling his ivories

we go back home now from ramsgate we thought barrimore was bad but this guy he's how you say crackers and missing his sandwich from his picnic basket his joke about what will happen if you eat chicken kiev chernobyl drop off was last straw dosvidanya

give us less money

still we have only found old shoes and oil cans in augusta road and all he talks about is these brucies and wossies and a bloody awful man he calls noel what is a wossie?

it is becoming unbearable so we have reduced our demand to €1m or we cut off a toe every half hour

hell p exclamation mark

hive managed to git away from mister carc off he's in the kitchen hive got old of my dell boy computer with the beach recognition new para bloody thing anyway hive been taken sausage by the new craniums hand i think their demanding money just pay them

oh exclamation mark

mr carc off

nothing, just checking on the cat please put that away mr carc off

ear's a funny thing, i was working with my old shoe biz chum brucie once when

give us money

time is running out for your mr richard we have only found old kfc cartons and netto gnomes in augusta road although the mattress did come in handy

if you do not deposit the money by midnight he gets it

also we are growing weary of his relentless humour what does this mean you cant get rid of me that easily

we want money

we have mr richard and are prepared to send him back bit by bit unless our demands are met we require €2m in used notes of €20 denominations or less if we do not receive this by midnight on monday 8 august we will do our worst do not go to the police you have been warned put the money in several large black sacks and place on augusta road ramsgate please ensure bags are seagull-proof yours very sincerely mr kharkov